Imagine waking up next to a boy you just met last night at the bar.
You decide to take said guy home to your apartment in the Upper East Side of Manhattan. You walk around the city a bit and eventually take a taxi because you were too drunk to realize where you were. Then you stop at the local pizza place for a slice, then it’s about 4am and you finally go to bed with this guy.
The next morning (or later that morning), you want to sleep in and be lazy because it’s Saturday and you don’t work. That same guy wakes up and kisses you on the forehead and says, ”good morning.” He also offers to cuddle while you’re still in bed resting, while shortly after he offers to make you breakfast. You respond, “That’s really sweet of you, unfortunately there’s nothing to cook in this apartment, not even eggs.”
At this point, you are extremely hungover and are insecure about how your morning face looks. The guy says nothing of this though, he only asks, “How are you feeling?” With bags the size of luggage under your eyes, a t-shirt and athletic shorts on with your hair all over the place, you say insincerely, “I’m fine.” When the guy finally leaves for his subway ride of shame, you can’t even give him a kiss goodbye.
If you had woke up next to this guy, what would you have done?
I’m not going to talk about the hypothetical ‘you,’ though, this one is about the boy.
They say “the good guys always finish last,” but we tend to focus on the idea that ‘finishing last’ is near as bad or worse than finishing at all.
I ran cross country my sophomore year of high school and didn’t think I would last more than two weeks on the team, but I didn’t quit. I ran the rest of that season and finished every race I was placed in, even when I felt like walking at times.
I’m not even going to talk about the ‘bad guy’ in this scenario because at this point he is obsolete.
The good guy is comparative to underground/indie music, or even sometimes your favorite musician’s deep-cuts. More than 90% of the time this music sounds a lot better to you. Though it may be something you’ve never really been exposed to, there’s something about it that resonates with you and even moves you in a way. In some occasions, this underground music may end up being your favorite and you actively seek for this music and stop listening to the radio. But how often does this really happen?
The good guy is a hidden treasure. Usually, he is quiet and reserved in fear of appearing to be like 80% of the guys he surrounds himself with. He’s the wallflower. Sure he seems okay on the surface, but it’s hard for him to open up unless he’s in an environment where he feels comfortable to express himself. Rarely do these guys get the chance to thrive in these environments because they either don’t exist in some cases, or they just aren’t provided to him.
This isn’t the good guy’s fault, however. It’s society, the patriarchy, the misogynist culture. It’s been embedded in almost every human-being (in this country at least) even unconsciously. Why do most monotheist religions refer to god as “he?” Then on the other side, women bear the burden/blessing of creating every human-being born on this earth.
The good thing is that this guy is aware of all of these things: the patriarchy, misogyny, and the countless amounts of respect women truly deserve but don’t receive. But on the surface, how could you know he thinks this way?
Most good guys are usually attracted to girls with insecurities, girls damaged by their past relationships, and sometimes even girls with daddy issues. Why is that? Is it because the good guy believes he can fix them/make them feel better? Is it because he embodies the emotional awareness to sympathize with her and actually attempt to understand her pain? This again is not the good guy’s fault. He actually cares, while most girls who may have met a good guy for the first time have the preconceived notion that he doesn’t, and thinks he’s only acting a certain way to get in their pants.
With all this being said, I am keeping the blame away from the good guy, but ladies, it is not your fault either.
Most women believe they need to keep up to a certain standard for guys to even notice them. Don’t get me wrong, I’ve never walked in a women’s shoes (metaphorically speaking), but normally they subconsciously make themselves seem “attractive,” making sure that in public they use proper “lady-like” mannerisms. One thing I could never even guess is what the girl is thinking when they are talking to a guy for the first time.
For the good guys who seek that attention from the girl sitting alone across from your local cafe, and the girls who have only had experiences with “bad guys” and are looking for that one good guy, I just have a small piece of advice for you: stop looking. Be yourself in any situation, and that easily could be the one thing that sets a good guy up with any girl who will appreciate him and actually see the good in him. Every guy has a good and a bad side, it’s just that we’ve been programmed to think about the worst in people (guys especially in this case).
For the good guys who feel like they’re not good enough: it’s okay, patience and persistence goes a long way. And don’t think transitioning into an asshole will give you different results (though it will, you’ll never be satisfied with them).
For the girls who are fed up and just want to meet a good guy: they are out there. There’s rarely any good advice I can give to you though, but I would just say try to love yourself a little more every single day. Because those good guys will notice that, and being comfortable with yourself is like bad guy repellent. Plus, the bad guys don’t give a shit about you.