*The author of this piece wishes to remain anonymous*
I have to start off by saying that as I have gotten older and wiser, unfortunately, I think more and more about how life is pointless. I see this everywhere and in almost everything. Though I think some suicide cases are related to this point of view that life is pointless with no meaning. But needless to say, I have little sympathy for a suicide based on the idea that life is meaningless.
You may be asking, why say words that sound so hypocritical to your own point? Well if you truly look at the power one holds within himself, you will understand that all the meaning life does not have, is all meaning that is you alone. Allow me to explain:
To me, the concept of reason is something that our conscious searches for to satisfy our desire for an answer to why we are here and what is the reason for life. I think we come up with these answers to give us security in fear that is brought on by ignorance. The more I think about it all, the more overwhelming it is for me.
I will take the idea of religion for my main example, not because I want to bash its morals and those who believe it, but because religion is a strong concept that has had an immense amount of influence upon the people of this earth for centuries.
Religion has been so contradicting to me that I think of it as an invention. A label, or even a drug for people that don’t want to accept the fact you are truly on your own in life.
“Have faith,” people say, but to me, how can I have faith in something that has rules, has been corrupt, caused wars, caused confusion, and put labels on absolutely everything and everyone. It’s all a huge mess.
And then there are those who abide by these views and rules in fear that they will be purged into pain and suffering for all of eternity and as a result, seek a divine reward. That to me is not being religious, that is being oppressed, like how a government advertises luxury in exchange for labor, and how you’re thrown in jail for breaking the law.
I heard a quote once:
“If the only thing keeping a person decent is the promise of some divine reward, then brother, that person is a piece of shit”. – Cohle from True Detective
I gain more understanding of these thoughts so where people see something amazing as the power of God, I see it as the beauty that is this universe.
Language was a developed invention of our evolution. Language can be as complex as a novel written by an author, to as simple as the changing of light particles from the slightest movements. Humans communicate through speaking and writing, dolphins use sound waves, bugs use vibrations, and bacteria and microorganisms speak a language of exchanging molecules. For humans, language and communication became more sophisticated as labels were developed for every action, object, and detail.
In relation to religion, the three main religions (Christianity, Judaism, Islam) that have caused worldwide chaos throughout history are all written and have similar concepts based off of one idea: a higher power and an afterlife: languages of explaining a phenomenon: giving a reason why zero became infinity. Now to me, this makes all religions seem the same. Just as “Hola” and “Hey” and “Bon Jour” all mean the same thing to some extent: a greeting. They’re all written differently, they’re all spoken differently, they’re all spoken by people of different cultures and races. Though ultimately they’re all wrapped around the same meaning: Hello.
This is a decent explanation of how I see religion for what it really is. And then there is prayer. You pray that your relative will make a decent recovery in the hospital, and what happens? They recover fully, and you thank God, for answering your prayers. Maybe God didn’t answer, maybe life just happened. And in terms of language, you can replace the word “God” with the word “Universe”, and it will still essentially mean the same thing. Prayer can also be a placebo for medicine or physical and mental attributes that will help you in life. I used to pray, now I think praying is asking for a crutch and/or a placebo effect.
Religion gave my life meaning once. It gave me hope that things will get better and that I will always be protected by God if I believed in him. Whenever I felt desperate, I could turn to the Lord for guidance. I knew that he had a plan for me and that I would find and achieve my goals in life. But my beliefs in religion also gave me fear of going to hell, a feeling of being constantly judged, and an overwhelming amount of guilt. But now that these beliefs have faded away, I now sit on the concept that life is pointless.
There is absolutely no meaning. Life just happened and it is what it is. The thing is, I don’t think of suicide anymore. As a matter of fact, life being pointless to me has actually made me a stronger person.
I feel alone and I embrace the solitude. There is no God watching over me, and some might fear this, but not me, it gives me courage. I fight the fear, the fear is oppressing, it holds you back from ever gaining the courage that you’ve always had. I don’t pray for strength because I know I have the strength in me. I don’t rely on God because if I do, I won’t learn to rely on myself. I don’t pray because it gives me false hope, it makes me unprepared to face reality.
God has all the answers? No, all of the answers are within me and at my disposal. I got out of the darkest place in my life with a feeling of constant hopelessness. And as tired and hopeless as I felt, I still kept going. I never gave up. As I emerged out of the abyss, I realized that the strength and courage I so deeply desired, I never received it, because in truth I had it with me all along.
As pointless and as meaningless as life is, it still doesn’t change the fact that I’m here, alive, with my own reality at my disposal. Everyone around is looking outward to find the potential, but they will never find it and that is because you must look within yourself! That is where you will find the strength, the hope, and the courage. Give yourself hope from the phenomenon that is you.
I want to make the absolute best out of this life. I don’t know if I will ever wake up into a different life after this. And through finding such strength and hope in a pointless life, my friend I can proudly say these words: As I walk through the valley of shadows and darkness, I fear no evil, not because I believe in God, I fear no evil because I believe in myself.